A Lesbian’s Guide to LDRs
Doing long distance with your partner absolutely sucks. There’s no way around it. But for the right person, it’s 100% worth it. Being away from your person for extended periods of time can be dreadful and put a lot of strain on your relationship, but maintaining healthy communication is key to making it work. As someone that’s been in a long-distance relationship for around a year and three months, I’m no stranger to getting creative in my relationship. We gotta keep each other on our toes somehow! Here are some tips and tidbits for people pursuing long-distance:
Set Boundaries and Schedule Time
As backward as this sounds, set boundaries. You need time to be you and they need time to be them. Give them and yourself space to be your own people. It’s unlikely that when you do finally break the distance that you will spend every waking moment with them, contacting them, texting them, etc. because they will be far more accessible to you in the future, perhaps when you live in the same city or move in together. Set specific times to chat on the phone or to FaceTime/video chat each day, like to say goodnight or to tell each other about your days. This way, you’ll guarantee some time with one another without it becoming a chore. You’ll be able to look forward to connecting with your partner in a new way.
Keep things spicy…
Sometimes you got to get a little scandalous with your partner when you’re long-distance. Maybe that means sending a risque text or photo, something suggestive to get their mind wandering. This could also mean buying them something intimate like lingerie or products for pleasure. Check out Lelo or Unbound for inspo. You can make a plan for a sexy phone call or send them a voice memo so they can save it for later. All with consent—of course!
Go On Dates—yes really!
Just because you’re miles away doesn’t mean that you can’t go on dates. Pick one or two days a month to have a virtual date night. host a Netflix party and experience the film together as it happens, moment by moment, so that you can chat about it after. go to your favorite local cafe or restaurant and FaceTime the other for a dinner or coffee date, especially because eating out alone can be intimidating. Pick up a pack of Dating Cards from The School of Life or {The And} Cards from The Skin Deep. They’ve got editions for Dating, Couples, and Long-Term Couples. These are question prompt cards that will get the conversation flowing between you and your partner and requires you to think a little deeper and get to know each other a little better.
Figure Out Their Love Language
What does your partner like? Words of affirmation? Pop them a handwritten love letter or note in the post and save the USPS while you’re at it. Or support some local stationery shops and find them a cheeky card to say I love you. Are they into gift-giving? Send them a little care package of things that remind you of them, like their favorite candy, some knick-knacks, a piece of art. It’s the fact that an object reminded you of them that really gets them going. slip $5 into their Venmo so they can grab their favorite coffee on you. If they like acts of service, make them some “I-Owe-You” gift certificates for things like receiving a 30-minute back massage, cooking them dinner, doing the dishes, running errands, etc. to cash in once you’re back in the same space. There are endless ways to interpret your partner’s love language. Once you figure that out, try out different ways to speak to them in their language. Don’t be afraid to get creative, the bolder the better!
Send little updates
Find a hobby or activity that you both love and share updates on it with one other. send a picture of your daily coffee if you’re caffeine freaks. it could also be the outfit you picked out for the day if you both like to strut down the street in your latest getup. (that’s something my girlfriend and I do because we love getting dressed up…even in quarantine).
No matter what you choose to do, find what works best for you and your partner. You’ll eventually get into a rhythm that works for your pairing and makes you feel close to them even when the distance feels unbearable. It’ll be over before you know it.
